Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
