awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
