god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
