sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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