God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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