So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
