my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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