Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
