"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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