Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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