I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
