The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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