How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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