Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
