I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
