She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
