o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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