Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
