My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
