and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I AM VODKA MAN
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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