I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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