I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
