remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
