1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
