She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
zippers are such a cool invention
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
