Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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