I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
