Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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