Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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