dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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