I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
