ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
We named our party play list daddy issues
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
