I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
