I'd wear matching sweaters with you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
