what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
