i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
