Ambien. No doubt about it.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize