just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
