Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
