I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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