my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
