i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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