I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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