so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
