I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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