just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
