How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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