What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
