I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
