Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize