You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
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