maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
where are my eyebrows?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
