Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
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