You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
He did a backflip because drugs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
