Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
