the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
