Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Slut skills are useful in every country.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
