New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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