So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
