You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
