and you said cock pushups were impossible
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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