Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Randomize
