the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
wow bdsm is so cute
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
