no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
