i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
