Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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