mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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