some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
